This is the location for the live Blogcast with Relationship and Clarity Coach, Rebecca Overson.
Rebecca and I had a wonderful conversation last night on the Live Teleseminar. Here are just a few of the highlights from the call.
- "New Year's Resolutions" seldom work because they are based on trying to change something that we don't like about ourselves or our environment.
- Change doesn't work because "Change begins and ends with violence". (You'll have to listen to the call.)
- "Problems" in a relationship stem from the mistaken belief that "this shouldn't be happening". (We say "mistaken" because this belief is opposed to the reality of the situation.)
- One of the tools that Rebecca uses to help people to dismantle these mistaken beliefs is "The Work" of Byron Katie.
- The Work consists of "four questions and a turn around".
- Rebecca actually walked me through doing The Work on my tax return! (Thanks Rebecca) If any of you are having a problem with your relationship to money, you won't want to miss this conversation.
- We uncovered the effect that my relationship to money was having on my relationships to Beth and my kids.
- An upset or incompletion in any area of your life can negatively effect every other relationship. (Nothing happens in a vacuum.)
- And finally, Rebecca left us with a very generous offer that you can take advantage of by going to her website, using her contact form, and mentioning this interview.
Ok, that was the "Reader's Digest" version.
To listen to the complete recording of the call, copy and paste this web address into your browser and download the mp3 file that you find there:
http://www.naturalhealthyfamily.com/media-files/rebeccaoverson.mp3
Note: Don't click the link, for some reason it doesn't work as a hyperlink.
Very Important Note: The recording of the call started 3 minutes and 17 seconds early. So for the first three minutes there is nothing but dead silence. Don't worry, it's just the recording. Simply fast forward your media player to the 3 minute and 17 second mark and start listening there. Sorry...
The Blogcast
Here is how the Blogcast will work.
Simply reply to this post using the comment feature below, and let us know if you have any questions, comments, concerns, insights, or just want to shoot the breeze with us.
You can leave your comment anytime between now and 6 pm tonight PST. (Feel free to leave comments after that as well. I check the blog every day and will respond to any questions or comments that you leave.)
Rebecca and I will be here on the blog, Live, between 5pm and 6pm PST (6-7 MST). We will be answering any of your questions and responding to your comments at that time.
I recommend that you listen to the call if you weren't able to make the live event last night. That way we will all be on the same page.
Thanks so much. We look forward to hearing from you!
Posts
57 comments:
I think the part that really hit home for me was when Rebecca was doing The Work with Josh. At first I thought money was completely unrelated to relationships. I was kind of thinking "I thought this was supposed to be a call about relationships". But like you guys said, the space you are in totally effects your relationship. If one of you is going around stewing about money, then that definitely has a negative effect on your relationship.
I have a question...some people in my life who are new to The Work get stuck on thinking that in doing The Work they are supposed to excuse what the other person did. You spoke a little about it yesterday but could you elaborate? Specifically, what can I tell them to better explain that the point is not to just let people "get away with murder".
I've learned a little about how most of people's negative comments to others typically reflect their own fears/concerns or agendas. What is your opinion of this theory? How can I (in a practical application) let those negative comments "roll off" with out my own feelings being hurt? I would really like to develop the talent of not taking so much personally, seeing more of the the good in myself and others, and creating and living in a more positive enviroment .
Has anyone out there had difficulty accessing the recorded phone conversation from last night's teleseminar with Rebecca and Josh? I have tried everything and still cannot seem to get it to download.
EvaMae, I'll email it to you through yousend. Keep an eye out for it.
Thank you
If anyone else is having problems, they can download the interview securely through yousendit.
Here's the link
https://www.yousendit.com/download/WnBTL0dBTXZiR0ozZUE9PQ
If you are having any technical difficulties, or are just having a hard time figuring out this "blogcast" thing, please feel free to just call my cell phone. 801-656-7321
Thanks,
Josh
Rebecca, What reading material or helps can you give me to deal with my relationship with foor and my weight? I am open for any suggestions.
Sorry about the spelling in the last post. You probably figured it out, but I was asking about my relationship with food.
You're so great EvaMae! I just like you more every day.
So, I'll let Rebecca give you her answer, but something you might want to look at is doing "The Work" on your story about your weight and your relationship to food.
Here's a great place to start. Check out this video of someone doing The Work on their relationship to their body.
http://www.thework.com/video_body.asp
The video is about 10 minutes long.
Josh, I am not sure that I have been in the right place for tonight's blogcast. I have been on the page where we enter these comments, but don't seem to be getting any conversation. Is there no one perticipating tonight? OR am I not logged onto the correct page? I realize that we are at the end of the hour long blog, but I guess I will have to read it tomorrow.
EvaMae,
The blogcast is actually just starting right now. You are in exactly the right place. The blogcast will go for another hour.
Josh, thanks for the link to "The Work" I will definitely check it out. FYI...I have been listening to yesteray's phone call and it is great, thanks Rebecca and Josh.
I have not had time to listen to the whole phone interview yet, only about 10 min. worth. Between the few minutes i have had a chance to hear and Joshes quick synopsis on the website i cant wait to hear the rest. Looking forward to learning more about it....
Thanks for checking in Mikee. Let us know if you have any questions as you listen to it.
Hello Josh and Beth...
Hi Everyone! Thanks so much for your comments. I'm going to start by answering Beth's question:
"...some people who are new to The Work get stuck on thinking that in they are supposed to excuse what the other person did."
Here's my response to this Beth, because it is a common pitfall. First of all, I'd say that when people bump up against this, it's because they aren't actually DOING the Work. They are thinking about it, theorizing on it, etc. But The Work is simply four questions and a turnaround. You can't get the benefit of it by 'talking about it.'
Also, people think that if you are 'loving what is' that you will just sit around with drool running down your chin, as if that's all that peaceful people can do. Peaceful people can be moved in to all kinds of productive action, usually much more effectively when they aren't blaming others. Make sense? Let me know if this answers your question or not.
Hey Mr. Jim. Beth is actually at a school party with Kendall. So it's just me. And Rebecca should be here soon if she's not already.
Can we listen to this live, or just read the posted blogs?
Stacy
S - I wholeheartedly agree with you. I have heard from many wise people in my life that our complaints about others are just a mirror of our own negative self-image; however, doing The Work really helped me to REALIZE this for myself.
I love that you asked "How can I (in a practical application) let those negative comments 'roll off' without my own feelings being hurt?" - this is a GREAT question and something many people struggle with.
Here's my thought on it.
First of all, it's important that you not worry about other people's refelecting their 'stuff' on to you - deal with your own. As Byron Katie says, stay in your own business. What they think of you is their business, not yours. That being said, you are only hurt by someone's negative comments towards you because you already think that about yourself.
So next time someone says something negative to you, such as "You never listen to me" - STOP and ask yourself "Could they be right?" Usually we instantly go to defending ourselves (which is actually attacking THEM) - but just stop and really look. Have you ever had the thought "I never listen to them"? They could be right. You'll give yourself a lot more peace if you can listen to what they are saying and respond from truth rather than defense. Does that help?
Hi guys! Josh and Rebecca I just finished listening to the livecast recording from last night. Awesome insights from you both. Josh thanks for letting us into your world with your honesty.
It's been a while since I was intentional about looking at my life instead of reactionaryily looking at my life. You've opened a new line of conversation for me that has been missing.Thank you!
Jim,
sorry that was weird. I'm using Beth's laptop, and she was already logged in. So now it's just me...
Stacy,
This is it. There is no audio besides the recorded interview from last night.
EvaMae, you asked "What reading material or helps can you give me to deal with my relationship with food and my weight?"
The first book I would recommend WHOLEHEARTEDLY is Loving What Is by Byron Katie. You will learn this self-inquiry process and apply it to the thoughts you have that lead to your relationship with food.
I have found it to be true for me and for many others that when you lose the 'mental weight' about food/your body, then your body changes. You are kinder to it, more aware of the choices you are making.
Let me know if I can be of further assistance to you. Also, I offer a free 20-minute consultation to anyone so feel free to use that if you feel you need a little more help. But start with the book - it changed my life and it has the power to change yours.
All actions start with a thought, and questioning your thoughts is the key to changing actions.
Does that make sense?
Rebecca, Thanks for your comments. I will definitely begin with Byron Katie and her helps, then I will get back with you. I have struggled with weight most of my life. It was suggested for me to read Psycho Cybernetics from Maxwell Maltz. I lose weight to a certain point then quit before attaining my desired weight. I am 56 yr old and at this point am nervous about the dangers of the extra weight that I carry. Thanks for giving me direction. I will definitely pursue it.
remember that resistance causes persistance. so the very act of resisting your current situation, be it your weight or finances or whatever, causes that condition to persist.
Thanks Rebecca. I like what you said and would like to know more about your comment "respond from truth rather than defense." that help?
sorry, I cut and pasted a little too much of your comment
EvaMae,
I think you are on the right track. I have come to see that the mind has more power than the body. The body follows whatever the mind says. And, if the body seems to be doing 'it's own thing' you can certainly question the thoughts about the body that oppose 'what is'. For example "I should be thinner than I am" or "I should not be sick" or less-obvious ones that I can help you uncover. So it's really imperative to do the 'mental cleanse' kind of work like Byron Katie offers, or any kind of similar process.
You might enjoy this, posted on my blog last year:
http://doingthework.blogspot.com/2007/01/falling-off-wagon.html
Persistance is one of the human conditions....it is looking to the roots of what you resist to find the situation which has gone from an early event to how life looks right now.....
Stacy- i think its just some place to look. our power comes from being willing to be authentic. so you just ask yourself, could what they are saying be true on some level? if so, that gives you something to be responsible for. and power begins with responsibility.
Stacy,
In order to answer your question a little better, can you give me an example of something that someone has said that was negative or hurtful towards you? :)
MARCI - is that YOU? My gosh it's been a long time. You look great. Thanks for tuning in. Glad to be of assistance.
and HI JIM!
Rebecca, you have given me much food for thought. I look forward to the reading and research. Thanks for your help.
thats really great Jim. resistance does always come from the past doesn't it?
Hello Rebecca.....hope the new baby is doing AWESOME and keep up the great "work"
The "resistance" I find tends to be the hook from my own past, and others get to be the mirror for me to learn about that which keeps persisting....
Yes Jim, and all the more reason to do The Work on whatever one is resisting. Right? :)
Ok, I've been trying to type with one hand and feed my baby with the other. So I'm back in full two handed action now!
Rebecca...So "right!"
Ok, just to be the town cryer, we have just a few more minutes for the official "blogcast", but I think there are only a couple of people still on here.
I'll stay on for the full time and just make sure that everyone is taken care of. But don't feel like you all need to stay on here the whole time.
Guys, it's funny, you know, on EvaMae's topic about weight... I rarely watch TV and today I was at my sister's house watching the first episode of "The Biggest Loser". I just cried and cried when I saw some of the contestants - their vulnerability, courage, and support of their teammate, etc. and it occurred to me that SO much of the weight issue (I would say 100% of it but I can't know that for sure) is born of thoughts.
I think that's why I cried so much because for some of these folks, it's like, they are standing there on national television baring it all, and their pain is so visible - it's written all over their bodies. You can't hide it at that point.
I think they should have a Clarity Coach on that show, don't you?? ;)
Rebecca, what a concept!!! You on the show, and having your insight be seen by the masses...NICE! What would be available for society out of seeing the Work working with these brave souls!
EvaMae, was that intentional that you used the phrase "food for thought"? :)
I totally agree Rebecca. It is, I would say 99.9% a problem of thinking. And yes, they should definitely have a Clarity Coach.
But really, if people really got that their thinking is at cause with all of these "problems", it would be a much different game.
I totally agree Rebecca. It is, I would say 99.9% a problem of thinking. And yes, they should definitely have a Clarity Coach.
But really, if people really got that their thinking is at cause with all of these "problems", it would be a much different game.
ok, I'm slow.....it's kids' bedtime on the east coast.
A hurtful comment could be any random thing, like take your example "you never listen!" Let's say it's from a teenager. I guess what I am looking for is I can sit here now and rationally think through a negative comment, "Is there truth to that? Can I improve my listening skills? Are they expressing frustration with me only or are they venting from a bad day at school etc.." but in the moment and depending on the attitude behind it may be another story. How do I engrain or train my mental, emotional, nonverbal and verbal responses to reflect what I know in my head is the right thing to do? Does that make sense? I feel like I need a deprogram and reprogram "to do list."
Rebecca, I understand your comments about "The Biggest Loser". I also love your comment that "it is written all over their bodies". I hired a personal coach a couple of years ago for my business and I decided to switch to having her help me with ME. I figured that I couldn't be strong in the business unless I was strong inside me. It was the best investment for myself and I learned a lot. I need to pull that information out again and start from scratch.
Thanks for your time tonight.
Also... everyone... if questions come in over the next day or so, I'm happy to pop in and answer them, too. xoxo
Thanks to all for your help tonight.
Good night
Stacy,
the thing you have to remember is that you can't be responsible for their "day at school" or anything that is going on over there in their heads. It's not your business.
Katie likes to say that there are only three kinds of business in this world, "my busines, your business, and God's business".
The point is that you can only be responsible for your business.
Whether you actually "never listen" or not is totally your business. And it's the only place where you have power. The rest is not your business and you can't do anything about it.
Does that make sense?
Ok, we're officially out of time tonight. Thank you everybody who took time out of you schedules to be here.
Especially you Rebecca. I know you were spending time with your family tonight, so i don't take your willingness to be here for granted! Thank you.
OK...I'm back in. I just noticed that I was asked if the comment "food for thought" was intentional. It just came out that way. Any thoughts????
Yes. Thanks for your time and comments, Josh and Rebecca. Have a good night!
Stacy, thanks for your example. You asked
"How do I engrain or train my mental, emotional, nonverbal and verbal responses to reflect what I know in my head is the right thing to do? Does that make sense?"
That's a great question, and it's important to remember that you will always REACT out of whatever unquestioned thoughts happen to be running you.
Thus, the 'mastery' comes from routinely questioning your thoughts about the situation.
So, the short answer to your question is Do THE WORK on it! I would start by filling out a Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet on your teenager. You can get one at www.rebeccaoverson.com/resources.aspx or on Byron Katie's site: www.thework.com.
The worksheet helps you to uncover the thoughts you are having that are creating your stressful thoughts.
Then work each thought, which is easier said than done over a blogcast... LOL
Feel free to call me with any questions, and be sure to read Byron Katie's book Loving What Is. You've got to practice unraveling the thoughts if you want to have the possibility of a more loving response. Right now all you've got going for you is determined by your thoughts about the other person. When you start questioning those thoughts, what you discover might surprise you!
But once you've unraveled them, it's like, you'll have a whole new view of the situation and new actions/responses will naturally arise. That's the best part.
I hope that helps - and feel free to contact me!
Well EveMae, I don't think there are any accidents in our speaking. But I wouldn't dwell on it too much either.
Give yourself the space to be you. And watch that video that I recommended.
http://www.thework.com/video_body.asp
Love you guys. Good night. I'm going to go hang out with my baby girl.
EvaMae, no accident it came out that way!!!
THANKS EVERYONE and please contact me at www.rebeccaoverson.com if I can be of further assistance.
Love to you all!
Rebecca
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